Words by L.Haydn Price
We’re back again to give you more advice on how to develop Bad Manager Qualities. Last week, we looked at giving the right impression, and now we’re expanding on this and discussing how to interact with your employees.
First Things First
The first rule to remember when it comes to dealing with your employees is that you are The Boss and whatever you say goes. This means you are automatically better than them. You’re the one who had the skill to run a business, while they have to go around begging for jobs like animals.
To begin with, employee suggestions are worthless. If an employee approaches you and says you could be doing something better, ignore this suggestion. If their ideas were valid in any way, they’d be The Boss. But they’re not The Boss. You are.
If they’ve devised a system on how to do something that isn’t your way of doing things, it’s automatically wrong. Sure, they may claim that it’s more efficient or faster, but it simply isn’t your system, and you can’t have someone in your business using a system that isn’t yours. That’s just madness.
Quality 2: Micro Manage
Micromanagement is a fantastic tactic to use. You can’t possibly trust your employees to do a good job without your constant surveillance. You need to keep a watchful eye on everything your employees are up to at all times. If an employee is ever not being monitored, you can guarantee that they’ll do something terrible. Here are some terrifying and not-at-all made-up facts about unmonitored workers:
– An unmonitored office worker is 99% guaranteed to check their Facebook or attempt to download music or movies on company Internet
– 4 in 5 catering workers has admitted to stealing food or drink on the job, and the fifth person was lying
– Manual labourers are known to sabotage any goods they work with. If a warehouse worker isn’t spied on constantly, they will physically break every item they encounter since they are basically monkeys, according to pseudo-science.
Shocking, isn’t it? Almost hard to believe, but there it is.
To combat all this, you must install cameras everywhere, and spend your entire day watching those monitors. Never give your employees the benefit of the doubt. That’s how they get away with it. It might seem invasive and paranoid to do this, but trust me, the workers will recognise the effort you put in to monitor them and work even harder.
Quality 2: Impossible Expectations
Speaking of working hard, don’t forget to push them as much as possible. Give them large to-do lists and tell them to complete them in an hour. Try and set records for how fast a task has to be done. Every time an employee performs that task, tell them they have to beat the record. If they fail to do so, then they are to be locked in a storage cupboard for an hour. A good way of measuring this is through electronic tagging, which was recently employed by a major supermarket chain, and that gained a lot of attention, so feel free to do the same.
Remember to never provide any assistance for your employees. You’ve hired them to do a job for you, and it’s not up to you to do that job for them in any way. If an employee is struggling with something, remind them repeatedly to work harder and faster. This is the best way to encourage them.
Sometimes your employees may request holidays or other time off. To this you must always say no, since giving them time off encourages laziness. Then when they come back, they’ll still be feeling lazy and will do less work. They will make excuses and tell you lies, claiming that the time off will refresh them and cause them to come back to work in a better mood and make them more productive. But don’t listen.
Following on from this, always remember that employees work for you, so they should be at your beck and call at all times. Surprise your workers by making them work overtime at short notice, or ring them up at the weekend and tell them to produce something extra for you immediately. This will keep them on their toes, and they will appreciate the extra effort you’re putting them through.
Quality 3: Poor Social Interactions
In regards to employee interaction, don’t bother to interact with them socially. If an employee says hello when they come into work, ignore them entirely. Show them that you’re the boss and they are only to speak when you tell them to. If you start interacting with them as normal people, then they’ll lose all respect for you as a boss. You don’t want that. They need to fear you.
Speaking of fearing you, don’t forget to repeatedly threaten them with being sacked at every given opportunity. No matter how minor the mistake, remind them of the fact that any little thing will be put forward towards potentially firing them. This will encourage them and make them work harder and won’t cause any undue stress.
Well, hopefully that’s helped you understand how a bad manager treats their employees, so please feel free to use any of these things in your attempts to run a terrible company. Next week, we’ll be talking about the many techniques a bad manager will use while attempting to market their business. See you next week!